No Jeans on Wednesdays

There once was a boss who was extremely conflict averse. He was so conflict averse in fact that he avoided confronting his staff about anything- anything at all. He hoped that by ignoring the issues or by wishing them away, all would be well. He was a very hopeful boss.

Eventually the boss realized that he needed support in managing the office so he hired a second in command whose job entailed supervising the staff. It was a plan full of promise as the boss could focus on avoiding confrontation and his second in command could confront to her heart’s content- a  win-win if ever there was one.

Within a few days, the first opportunity presented itself. The boss went into the second’s office, shut the door and pulled his chair very close to her. It appeared to be something serious. “Today,” he said with a dramatic pause, “is Wednesday.”

“Yes,” the second in command confirmed, “it is.”

“But Jennifer is wearing jeans,” the boss said with wide eyes and an increasingly pulsating vein.

“Yes,” the second in command confirmed once again unsure of what was going on.

“Staff can only wear jeans on Fridays, and today is Wednesday,” the boss explained. The second finally understood and assured her boss that she would speak with the employee about it. The second had been a supervisor for a number of years prior to this and had dealt with her share of difficult employee conversations. As difficult employee conversations go on a scale of tolerable to tortuous, this ranked as low as she could imagine. It was a clear infraction of a clear policy with a clear remedy. Tough managerial conversations did not get any less tough than this.

“Well, maybe we can wait and see if she does it again,” the boss suggested. Confused, the second asked why. The boss rationalized that it might not be necessary to broach the subject and that they should wait and see if it happened again. Just a few days into the job, the second chose her words carefully, as she was having trouble understanding the import of the situation. She could not imagine an easier solution to a less significant infraction, but her slight pushback was not enough to sway the boss and his long-entrenched conflict aversion.

A few days later Jennifer came to work in jeans again (though, for the record, it was a Monday.) Again, the boss approached his second and again the second offered to speak with the employee. Again, the boss declined. The second told her boss that Jennifer would likely continue to wear jeans until she was reminded that jeans should only be worn on Fridays (ah, office culture) but the boss wanted to…it wasn’t clear. It was altogether unclear.

Two days after that Jennifer wore jeans again, and apparently, this was enough for the boss. He told his second that it was time and that he wanted to be the one to handle it. He would do so by addressing the entire staff at the next team meeting, even though it was only one staff member committing the infraction. Among a staff of ten. But the second considered it a step in the right direction and commended the boss on confronting the issue. Perhaps the boss wasn’t so conflict averse after all.

But alas, the staff meeting came and went and the boss never mentioned the situation with the jeans. The second decided to let it go.

The next day, when the staff arrived at the office, they each had a piece of paper waiting for them at their desks. It was a copy of the company dress code policy with a single line highlighted in yellow, “Blue jeans are permitted on Fridays and Fridays only.” It was never discussed and it was never spoken of again. And this was how the Wednesday blue jean saga ended.

I have chosen to share this story not because it is unique but rather because of how common it is. It is not always about unfollowed dress codes, of course. Sometimes it is about the employee who is frequently late or the one who makes too many personal calls or the other one whose lunches seem to last a little bit longer with each passing year. Whatever the situation, when it goes unconfronted by a supervisor who is too busy or too intimidated or too unskilled to confront it, the situation will continue. It is practically a guarantee. And here is the real moral of the story- even though the employee is the one committing the infraction, it is the responsibility of his supervisor to handle it. Managers who are too busy or too intimidated or too unskilled to confront their staff have two responsible options- learn to confront staff effectively or find a position that does not involve managing others. Remaining in management without developing this skill is a disservice to everyone involved. The good news is, confrontation, like all skills, becomes easier with time and practice. Are you ready to commit to improving this skill? Have you already mastered it? What advice do you have for others?